After being air-lifted to SickKids for surgery, doctors said he would likely remain a quadriplegic. He spent the next eight months at Bloorview in rehab, slowly regaining movement. Nick’s mom Diane contacted BLOOM after reading a story on resilience in our Feb. 2006 issue.

What was your reaction to our story on resilience ?
I wish I had read it at the beginning of our experience with Nick! I was struck by how Darlene Hall’s research on the link between beliefs and adaptability resonated with our experience. When faced with a traumatic event, Darlene says, “Our thinking is the mediator of how we react, determining whether we’ll be able to move on and grow or become depressed and fall apart.”

Early on, my husband and I made a decision to remain positive at all times, especially in Nick’s presence. Even when we we re given grim news or worst-case scenarios, we refused to give in to ‘glass half-empty’ thinking. We asked medical teams to relay not only the worst-case outcomes – but the best-possible. For our family, remaining hopeful was the only way we could survive.

What advice would you offer rehab staff ?
Parents have a strong need to be treated with the utmost care and tenderness in those early days of the crisis. They need to hear that no matter how difficult things appear, the worst is over for the moment.

They need to be reminded to take each day as it comes and to have hope and faith – even against all hope – in a better tomorrow. Hospital staff should should avoid communicating alarming medical information unless it’s critical and will benefit the child.

What do you want to impart to other parents?
A message of hope and healing. As Dr. McNair Wilson, the famous cardiologist, remarked in his autobiography, Doctor’s Progress, “Hope is the medicine I use more than any other – hope can cure nearly anything.” What parents need to hear are statements of understanding and encouragement such as: “I know you are hurting and things aren’t looking too good today. I know you are sick with worry and can’t sleep at night. I know how difficult it is for you to face each new day with a positive attitude when everything seems to be falling apart. But – hold on. Take small steps forward each day.”

I used to think back to a half-marathon I had walked and imagined walking just one kilometre at a time. Parents need to take care of themselves: getting rest, eating healthy and attempting gentle exercise boosts your ability to cope. Reaching out to family and friends for help – even though you just feel like retreating into solitude – can bring tremendous relief.

Spending quality time with your other children can also be a welcome distraction to the bedside vigil. Recognize that you’re never completely alone. Seeking divine intervention through meditation is an extremely helpful way to relieve stress.

Last, I would remind parents to trust their instincts. As Dr. Christine Northrup says in Mother-Daughter Wisdom, a woman who is in tune with her mother-bear instinct knows better than any expert on the planet how her child is really doing.

“In times of trauma, a caregiver has a golden opportunity to use this biologic state to implant ‘hope and healing’ messages deep in the unconscious… You can plant healthy seeds that will help the person heal and replenish their emotional soil... or you can let torrents of fear erode the soil.”

When all else fails and words of comfort elude you, remember that even your very presence is healing to your child in rehabilitation.